Emotional Surfing: How to Ride Life's Ups and Downs with Grace
Because feeling everything doesn't have to mean being ruled by it.
It’s 8:14am.
My toddler was busy removing her socks and shoes for the third time.
My other toddler was refusing to put on a jacket.
Both still needed to be taken to the toilet.
We all should have been out the door ten minutes ago.
My inbox had 47 unread emails.
The dog frantically barked at a passing pedestrian.
And I was irrationally angry because someone took the last banana I’d banked on having for my breakfast.
I wasn't just stressed. I felt emotionally hijacked.
This is what happens when emotions hit hard—and no one ever taught us what to do with them. Until now.
Welcome to the art of emotional surfing: a grounded, science-backed way to move through emotions without getting swept away.
What Is Emotional Surfing?
Emotional surfing is the skill of noticing, riding, and releasing emotions without resisting or over-identifying with them.
Instead of pushing your feelings down (or letting them explode), you develop the tools to feel fully - and move forward wisely.
Psychologist Susan David, author of Emotional Agility, explains that avoiding difficult emotions can increase stress, shrink resilience, and even impact physical health.
But when we allow emotions to move through us like waves, we reduce inner tension, regulate the nervous system, and build real psychological strength. Phew!
🧠 Did you know? Emotions typically last 90 seconds unless we feed them with thought loops.
This means the faster we notice and ride the wave, the faster it passes.
Why We Struggle (YES, Even High-Functioning Women)
You're smart, capable, calm under pressure. I see you. But you were likely raised to perform, please, and push through—not to pause and process.
If you’re anything like me, we were taught:
"Be nice" (aka: don't show anger)
"Don't cry" (aka: bottle your sadness)
"Keep it together" (aka: ignore your needs)
We learned to manage the room, not our nervous system.
This blog post is your permission slip to unlearn all that and to build a new kind of inner strength that will serve you far better instead.
The S.U.R.F. Framework
This is your 4-step guide to emotional resilience. When you feel triggered, flooded, or off-centre, I want you to try this:
S – Spot it
"I feel tense." "I'm overwhelmed." "There's some sadness here."
Name the emotion. Neuroscience shows that naming it reduces its grip—activating the brain's self-regulation centres.
U – Understand it
Ask yourself:
What triggered this?
What story am I telling myself right now?
Is this emotion new... or familiar?
We're not analysing—we're getting curious. Awareness creates choice
R – Ride it
Let it move through you. No fixing. No suppressing. Just riding the wave.
Try:
5 slow belly breaths
Stepping outside or placing a hand on your heart
Saying, "It's okay to feel this"
Moving your body (walk, stretch, shake)
Emotions are energy. Let them move, and they'll move on.
F – Flow Forward
Ask: "What's the next kindest, wisest step I can take?"
That might be:
Setting a boundary
Reframing the thought
Choosing a cup of chamommile tea over another to-do
Speaking gently to yourself
You don't need to feel "fixed" to take action. You just need to feel conscious.
A Real-Life Example
Consider that work email that made you feel dismissed… Here’s what you can do:
Spot the hurt. Understand it's touching an old story of not being valued. Ride the emotion (step away, breathe, regulate). Flow forward by replying from clarity, not reactivity.
This is emotional surfing in action. The more you practice, the more readily it will become second-nature.
Emotional Literacy Is a Leadership Skill
If you lead people, raise a family, or are a friend to anyone - this work really matters! Because emotional agility isn't just "personal development." It's actually a life force skill. It helps you to:
Stay steady under pressure
Respond instead of react
Know what you actually need (and ask for it)
Lead with integrity, presence and calm
It also helps you sleep better, fight less, and stop catastrophising in the shower. Win-win I say!
Journal This
To take this deeper, put pen to paper as you reflect and ask yourself:
🖊️ What emotion have I been avoiding lately—and what might it be trying to show me?
🖊️ What would it feel like to welcome my emotions without judgment, just like waves?
Optional Practice: Surfing Tricky Waves
Some emotions come in layers—like irritation masking fear, or anger shielding sadness.
If you're willing, sit with a strong emotion and ask yourself:
"Is there anything underneath this?"
"What am I needing right now?"
These questions invite wisdom, not wallowing. They're powerful because this is how we shift from reaction to insight.
You're Not Failing—You're Feeling
Big emotions don't make you dramatic. They make you human! Learning how to surf your emotional waves doesn't mean you'll never feel overwhelmed. It means you'll trust yourself not to drown when you do. And that is true wellbeing.
The Ripple Effect of Emotional Surfing
When you master your emotions rather than letting them master you, everything changes. Not just for you, but for everyone around you.
Your relationships deepen because you're bringing your full, authentic self.
Your work improves because you're no longer burning energy on emotional suppression.
Your decisions get clearer because they're coming from wisdom, not wounds.
And perhaps most importantly - you model what emotional health looks like for others, especially little people around you and the next generation who are watching ever so closely how we handle life's waves.
Remember: You don't have to be perfect at this. The goal isn't to never wipe out—it's to get better at getting back on the board.
Your Next Wave
Ready to strengthen your emotional surfing muscles? Here's one tiny step to take today:
The next time you feel a strong emotion, pause. Just for three breaths. Name what you're feeling. Notice where you feel it in your body.
That's it. That's the practice.
Remember that small steps make a big difference. Tiny moments of awareness build the neural pathways that transform how you handle big feelings over time. I'd love to hear how this framework works for you. Drop a comment below or send me a message to share your experience.
Until then - may your waves be instructive, your surfing be graceful, and your emotional world be a place of strength rather than struggle.
Remember, becoming an emotional surfer isn't about perfection—it's about practice. Every wave is a teacher
About the Author
Annika Rose is a speaker, writer, and mindful guide who helps high-achieving professionals connect to their inner calm. With a background in psychology and mental health, and over a decade of teaching mindfulness-based living and leadership programs, she brings both science and soul to her work with clients worldwide. When not writing or guiding, she enjoys being in the moment with her family or going on adventures in her 1970’s caravan.
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Resources for Deeper Learning
Books: "Emotional Agility" by Susan David, "The Body Keeps the Score" by Bessel van der Kolk
Practice: Try the free Healthy Minds Program app for evidence-based emotional regulation techniques
Connect: Join the waitlist for The Circle (August Edition) - a virtual gathering where we practice these tools in community.