I sat in the local café, staring at the job vacancy on my phone screen for the third time that week. A role coordinating programmes that brought together applied positive psychology and mindfulness-based programs for people navigating cancer. It ticked every box on paper: my background in program coordination, my passion for wellbeing, my decade of experience. So what was holding me back from pursuing it?
In one word, doubt. I'd spent years building my own business, cultivating independence, creating something entirely mine. Freedom. Space. Total autonomy. In some ways, taking on this role felt like stepping backwards in time, returning to a former version of myself who worked in the not-for-profit space, returning to being someone I thought I'd outgrown. What would saying yes to this mean for my career?
The fears multiplied. I'd have less time for my business. After working on it for so long, would my creativity dry up? Would the ideas stop coming, the opportunities disappear? I was already juggling so many demands on my time, energy, attention, my mind was perpetually full. How could things get more chaotic? Would this decision become too much to take on?
The Waiting Game We Tell Ourselves
There's a story many of us tell ourselves, particularly as mothers balancing multiple identities: that we need to have it all figured out before we can step into the next chapter. That purpose reveals itself in a moment of clarity, and only then should we act. That the conditions must be perfect before we claim our place in leadership, before we pursue what matters, before we say yes to what interests and calls us.
We wait for the children to be older. For the home life to be sorted. For our identity to feel settled. For certainty to arrive like a letter in the post, clearly addressed and impossible to misinterpret.
But the research on cognitive flexibility and adult neurogenesis reveals a challenge to all this: our brains don't grow from waiting. They grow from engaging with new challenges, even when we feel unprepared.
Cognitive flexibility allows us to adapt our thinking and behaviour in response to new circumstances, and it has substantial benefits for academic achievement, resilience and wellbeing. The fascinating part is that learning new skills and taking on new challenges can enhance this flexibility and combat cognitive decline, particularly when we engage with activities that provide novel stimulation.
In other words, our capacity for clear thinking, creative problem-solving, and purposeful living doesn't emerge before we take on challenges. It emerges because we take them on.
When Action Becomes the Answer
My turning point came when I realised it was actually time for a chapter change. Not because everything was sorted, but because everything was calling for it. I needed the outlet, the independence, the challenge. I wanted my kids to see me getting ready and going to work. My husband and I were ready to try a new level of communication and teamwork. I wanted to mix things up, give it a go, jump in. It was time for a new rhythm for us all. A chance to be curious and say yes, even without knowing exactly where it would lead or how it would unfold. I trusted the pull and intuitively knew I could make it work well.
Research on identity development shows that purpose in life is closely linked to identity formation, particularly during periods of transition when we're exploring who we're becoming. Purpose isn't something we uncover through endless introspection. It's something that crystallises through committed action, through trying things, through showing up even when we're not entirely sure.
Purpose develops in the doing, not the dreaming.
What Your Brain Does When You Say Yes
Here's what happened when I took the role, even though I wasn't certain, even though the timing felt messy, even though I worried about what I'd lose in terms of time, freedom, my business.
The confidence I gained surprised me. Not the fake-it-till-you-make-it kind, but the real, grounded confidence that comes from bringing your full experience to something that matters. I had clarity in direction and goals I hadn't anticipated. The pressure lifted from needing to be all things in my business, all the time, always on.
And here's the part that contradicted every fear I'd held: my creativity didn't dry up. It flourished. My ideas didn't stop. They actually multiplied. I also got more clarity on my ideal clients and offerings because I zoomed out, saw things from a fresh and different perspective.
The science also backs this up. Research from Stony Brook University reveals a close relationship between adult neurogenesis (the creation of new brain cells) and cognitive flexibility. When we expose ourselves to complex new tasks, our brains generate new neurons in response to those experiences, allowing us to react to new information more flexibly.
Taking on activities that combine mental and physical challenges, meeting new people, and exposing ourselves to different perspectives all contribute to improved cognitive flexibility. The discomfort of newness isn't a sign we're not ready. It's the very condition that allows our brains to expand, our thinking to sharpen, our purpose to clarify.
The Gift of Constraints
I also discovered something counterintuitive: having less time for my business made me more creative with it, not less. Constraints forced me to focus. They demanded I clarify what truly mattered. They pushed me to work with more intention rather than endless availability. With less time I started getting more focussed and productive, exploring new ways of working and leading.
The decade of experience I'd accumulated found new expression. Watching the programs I coordinate make a real, lasting impact in the community, in real time, gave my work a different kind of meaning. Purpose isn't just about what we create independently. Sometimes it's about how we contribute our gifts to something larger than ourselves.
Research on purpose development confirms this. Studies show that purpose provides identity capital, helping individuals navigate transitions by giving them a sense of direction and meaning even in uncertain times. We don't need perfect conditions to find purpose. We need engagement, commitment, and the willingness to say yes even when the path isn't entirely clear.
Permission to Begin From Where You Are
If you're waiting for perfect before pursuing what calls you, consider this: the messy middle is not the obstacle to your purpose. It is the very place where purpose forms.
Your children being young doesn't disqualify you from leadership. Your life being full doesn't mean you can't add what matters. Your uncertainty about the path doesn't mean you're not ready to take the first step.
Cognitive flexibility is associated with higher resilience to negative life events and better quality of life. The very act of adapting to new challenges, of integrating new roles, of stretching beyond what feels comfortable, builds the psychological flexibility that allows you to thrive.
You don't need to have it all figured out. You need to be willing to figure it out as you go.
I’m here now, writing to you directly from the messy middle, enjoying the journey and finding my feet in a new space of living, working and being this latest version of me. Its interesting, exciting, tiring, enlightening, and it’s evolving in real time. I’m growing and learning and trying my best…
Begin Here
Think about the opportunity, the role, the pursuit that's calling you right now. The one you keep dismissing because the conditions aren't perfect, because you're not entirely certain, because it feels like the wrong time.
What if the confusion you feel isn't a red flag telling you to wait, but an invitation to grow? What if your purpose isn't waiting to be discovered in perfect clarity, but ready to emerge through committed action?
You're ready. Not because everything is sorted, but because you're willing to engage with what matters even when it's messy. That willingness is enough. I’ve realised purpose doesn't wait for perfect. It rises to meet you in the middle of your beautifully complicated life, exactly where you are right now. So, here’s the nudge to say yes and go explore what lights you up …
What's calling you? What would you say yes to if you trusted that
clarity comes through action, not before it?